Monday, June 03, 2013


I don't like beginning with the word "I"...ever. This life is not about me. Usually. Humor me this one day.

I am not a tracker of followers or people who read my blog. Good grief...where is there time for that work? So for all I know you haven't missed my posts. I am sorry I haven't followed more closely my favorite bloggers...abject apologies to each of you.

Paralysis set in a year ago. Being one to pour my guts out is not my style.
Typically, I share the things that go on at the farm, my excursions, workshops, the sheep, farm and pups, sometimes even a personal milestone. At this time, for me to move forward and post meaningfully means dumping a bad memory.

I suffered the strangest and most heart-wrenching experience in that spring season. Something
I never wish to duplicate, ever again. I followed my instincts which blew up and apart as no one could imagine. I know this is fodder for "Tell me more" but suffice to say I won't, in kindness to myself and those affected. What I will say is I fell apart. My intuition and I had a falling out (briefly). I seconded guessed and imagined it was all my inner workings. The work has been incredibly slow and painful. And laughably, at 59 years old, this shouldn't still occur. Yet it does for us all.

On a walk this late spring, I stood and looked at this oak leaf in an icy puddle on my morning walk understanding it's place. Sinking, floating, frozen, yet looking to the bright sky of a new season, transforming. That is me. On dry land now.


  1. Be kind to yourself. And, at age 59 myself, I can say I am still learning and getting knocked down and getting up again. Holding you in Light and Love!


  2. I just don't know quite what to say in response to this post, Nancy, and am uncertain about what your deeper meaning may be. My mind could do cartwheels if I let it ... so hard to decipher when I *know* you so little, although I realize we are not meant to anyway. But I have missed your posts here & simply thought you were busy. I am so, so sorry that you were going through a heart ache instead ...

    Happy that you are back ;>]

  3. I'm sorry to hear you've been through difficult times, life can be so hard sometimes.

    Sending the best of wishes.

  4. nancy, love to you. you've come through this and that's enough. that's huge. huge.

  5. Nancy, Glad you are thawing out.That "paralysis" for whatever the reason is a hateful thing but we all have been there. Once we get our heads on right the sun warms us and the icey paralysis melts away. Wishing you the best as you move ahead. If you are ever in south central PA stop by for a visit and see our Navajo-Churro sheep.

  6. What wise and wonderful words. Thank you all.
    My mother used to refer to these times as getting through a knothole, and I am through it. What fascinates me is how, as we are squeezing through, our lives continue to flow, transform and fulfill in other ways. By airing the uglies on a fresh breeze good friends like you help blow it all away. Onward!

  7. So, so sorry to hear you have been struggling with some difficult issues Nancy, but so happy to hear that you seem to be moving through it and "onward". Your strength is remarkable.

    1. It's the way, isn't it? Thanks, Linda.