Thursday, October 04, 2012

about today

On this day in 2006, at this very hour, I was standing alone in the far field at the farm. 
My memory of that moment is as if it was yesterday. 
I felt an eerie silence. An aloneness I couldn't define.
Never did I imagine
what I would learn by nightfall.
As I stood in the field staring at the hills, 
waiting for the sun to come shining
through, an hour or so away in the heart of NH,
my big brother, Jim Walker, was logging alone in the woods 
with his horses,
and suffered a massive heart attack.
No one found him until late afternoon.
It was too late.
True, he died doing what he loved the very most with
his beloved horses at his side.
Somehow that consolation falls short.
Jim with Ted and Tony 2006
He was loved by so many people.
He loved so many in return and would give the shirt off his
back for those who he cared for.
 me and Jim at 6 and 10 on our farm in Amherst, NH
Jim Walker was a good man, taken too soon.
I am thankful for those who share this day with me each year
who also miss this guy immensely.
So goes October 4th every year.


  1. Oh Nancy, sudden deaths and losses are so very hard esp ones sibling. Those premonitions are very eery. 2006 was an awful year. Thinking of you today and sending love and hugs.

  2. Nancy, such a touching tribute to your dear brother. I am also thinking of you today and so very sorry for your loss. Hugs from both of us.

  3. Sending love and hugs....

  4. Barbara Paronto4:18 PM

    Nancy, I share your pain on the loss of a sibling. It is like no other. How wonderful that you set aside this day each year to honor him and allow yourself a few moments to treasure your memories of one so dear. (((hugs)))

  5. It's odd how sometimes we can know something almost within our very bones. So sad to read how you lost your big bro, Nancy....such a loving tribute here.

  6. Hugs Nancy. I can't imagine losing my brother. You must have had an amazing connection to have sensed his passing, he came to say goodbye. xo

  7. Anonymous7:01 AM

    What a wonderful tribute to your brother.

  8. Each of your words and thoughts warmed my day up. Thank you.

  9. I'm sure you miss him each and every day, and that day most of all. Being with two of his best friends tho, I'd wager, helped - for all concerned. Hugs to you!

  10. The loss of loved ones never seems to get easier. Sending a hug your way.